I was speaking with a friend of mine the other day and he complained about a sub he had invested a couple of months of his time grooming to become is property. Evidently, this sub decided to accept another Dom’s offer to “consider” him for ownership. My friend was understandably upset and felt betrayed. I felt bad for him that it happened. Then I made him realize a few things.
He never stated that he didn’t want the sub to communicate with other Dominants. His first mistake… not being clear with his intentions and interest.
He didn’t set a time-line for the period of consideration. A couple of months is a long time to not have a definitive idea of what would be expected down that line.
They never made plans to meet in person. In my opinion, a fatal mistake. It’s not real unless there has been physical contact. A verbal claim is just that… words. Interest in the cyber world has a shelf life.
Here’s what being “under consideration” should mean…
On a social media website, you should never forget that first and foremost it is a hook up site. Therefore, you need a good vetting process.
If you are contacted by a submissive seeking ownership and after a few exchanges, you decide to put him under consideration:
- Tell him what it means to you. Being under consideration can mean different things to different people so be clear about what it means to you.
- Ask about any Dominants he’s had contact with within the past few months. And, if he’s still in contact. Being under consideration means that sub should be FREE and CLEAR of any other relationships. Even casual… that is, if you want to be shown the proper respect for your time and interest that you deserve.
- Demand and provide a timeframe for EXCLUSIVITY. Allowing someone under consideration to simply post it on their profile is never enough. You need an agreement leaving NO DOUBT what his status is with you and what you expect from him.
- Stay in touch frequently. No more than two days without communication. And, if longer BOTH of you notify the other of situations that will take you away from your ability to respond.
- Schedule a time to meet (if local) or plan for a visit. It is suggested to do this within 2-4 months. If longer due to affordability or other factors, then consider video conferencing. Meeting is critical. Otherwise, why are you doing this?
If you are a Dominant, please consider this as a suggestion. This is advice gained from years of trial and error. As well as submissive feedback.
If you are a submissive, hopefully this gives you some insight as well. Honor the connection you make with a Dominant, even if it goes nowhere. Each encounter puts you closer to meeting the Dominant that may be willing to help fill that missing part of yourself.
And, finally… what happened to my friend was a failure to communicate. On the sub’s part. He should have brought any issues or questions up to my friend instead of continuing the connection yet seeking out a new connection elsewhere.