What I look for in a submissive…

In order to learn, you must listen…

All of my life, I have known I was different. I looked at life differently. Relationships differently. The little intricacies that make a person who they are stand out for me… while flying right over everyone else’s head. I would often wonder why I never felt the conventional idea of marriage and kids never clicked with me. The American dream is one made of up misconceptions about what will make you happy with your life. I knew this at age 18.

As a kid, I used to fantasize about being a king and would pretend to go through life with servants who would attend to my every desire and whim. When opening a door, I would imagine someone opening it for me. If I was eating, I’d imagine having an attendant cut up my food and refill my drink. And when I was in bed… I’d imagine having my feet massaged and kissed. My shoulders and back massaged… basically having every creature comfort covered.

I wouldn’t have to ask or want for anything, it was offered as if they knew me and what I wanted… needed. Their focused attention on me provided me with a sense of power and happiness. I enjoyed being the center of attention and knowing that seeing I was happy made them happy. Of course, reality would always set in and I would have to step back into it and navigate the myriad of emotional dysfunction that was… everyone else. With the occasional exception.

“Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements… even if it leads nowhere?” – Adele 

I like that verse from the song, Chasing Pavements. When I heard it for the first time, I found immediate kinship. It relates to my search for love on a level that I feel I deserve.  I have been a source of comfort and advice to many different people throughout my life including those in the Lifestyle. I don’t mind that role as it is a positive influence that can change lives. I always feel I play a small role as the only thing I do is steer people onto the path I see would be the best route to go. I do understand that not everyone can see that for themselves.

The Lifestyle allows me to define any relationship I make on my terms. My slave, partner is one who can match with those terms. Whether naturally (preferred) or by learning to conform. It is rare when you meet someone who shares so many of your own interests and likes. More times than not, they are either already in a relationship or only destined to be in your life for a short period of time.

I have had successful relationships in the past but I feel I was too young to really appreciate them… which is why they ended. It was usually me who ended them. Having 20 years of my adult life behind me, I know what I need now. In the past, I only knew what I wanted. The thing with getting what you want is… it’s empty once accomplished. When you finally get what you need, it is a unique experience where you feel a wide array of emotions. Heart pounding excitement, daydreams about what life would be like with that person, and constant thoughts about that person and how they make you feel.

I have always been independent and the “strong one” for everyone else. Too often, I yearn to have someone take care of me for once. I fall victim to the idea that as a Master, I don’t need emotional support. I can provide it for myself. If that was true then psychiatrists and counselors would be out business. Sometimes, the Master needs to take a break or vacation from that role. We are, after all, human.

I look for a submissive who can appeal to me physically as well as emotionally. I strongly believe that together it forms a bond early as there is nothing you have to wait for such as transforming ones body. If the attraction is there in the beginning… it’s all uphill from there and in a good way.

I look for a submissive who wants to get to know me. Following orders is what a slave is supposed to do. But seeking to get to know me is something I cannot order.. it has to be something the sub wants to do. It’s something I wait for and usually never comes. I don’t fault people for being focused on their own wants and needs. But this is why conventional relationships tend to end in breakups or divorce. Those who stay together seek to find out what their partner needs. Sounds simple but many people mistake wants for needs and there is a big difference.

I look for a submissive who strives to keep the connection alive. Once a sub enters a relationship with his Dominant, things tend to become “comfortable” where the effort to please starts to become too routine and automated. Keeping the connection alive and fresh means continuing to show appreciation for the opportunity to serve and for being accepted in the first place. Never take what you have for granted.

I look for a submissive who is open minded enough to focus more on what I find pleasurable compared to how they feel about it. Many subs don’t realize that when they selflessly participate in something that they would rather not do just because they wish to please their Master… their sacrifice is noticed. More times than not, the outcome will favor both parties.

I look for a submissive who knows his place yet can easily slip into various roles depending on the situation. Even better if the sub can clearly see that the roles are not roles at all. They are simply different aspects of the same person.

I look for a sub who is the jealous type… not the psychotic, possessive type of jealousy but the constructive kind. When he recognizes I appreciate someone else that prompts him to want that appreciation for himself. And will do what he can to get it. At the same time, he knows that he is loved and valued yet still strives to be everything for his Master.

I look for a submissive who wants to be everything for me. Someone who will put me first. Who wants to put me first. Who needs to put me first. Sometimes, that kind of connection takes time to build up. Other times, it just happens. In either case, when you find a connection to someone that just feels “right”; even though you can’t explain it… whatever you do, DON’T fear it, EMBRACE it.