In April 2007, I was nominated as member of the month on a Black BDSM centric site called Dark Connections. I strongly believe that the nominations came as a result of my antics during the fun-filled group vacation trips the site once sponsored called BEG Vacations (I may actually write about that experience at some point). They unfortunately are no longer sponsored due to low turnout because of the Great Recession that started in 2009. I hope to recreate similar trips of my own in the near future.
I was interviewed in 2014 by a sub as part of my 40th birthday celebration. Intending to share the transcript of that session, I came across my original interview by the awesome owners of Dark Connections. I decided to post the transcript of that interview first.
Do you currently have a sub or play partner:
Yes to both. My sub Dave and another sub that just signed a preliminary service contract with me in late 2006. I also have several play partners… mainly newbies (three men, one woman and a married couple) who wish to experiment with being dominated and various acts of BDSM.
Word has it that you’re an international legend in the art of fisting. What is it about your technique that makes you a handball superstar? Don’t be modest.
I underestimated your powers of investigation. Let’s just say that in the mid to late 1990’s, I was a rare commodity as there were literally NO people of color on the internet who were into the scene… especially those in their twenties.
My technique involved various massage techniques that I adapted to help relax the fistee from the inside. Plus, I am not detached when I am playing… I connect with my play partner and experiment with creative ways to take them beyond their “limits”. This always was the most important factor that separated the definition of just having a good scene from having an out of body experience.
How can one easily incorporate fisting into a BDSM scene, and what are some of the safety issues we should be concerned with?
If seeking an easy way to incorporate, I would suggest simply playing with the bottom/sub’s vagina (or rectum) with your fingers and seeing how far you can go inserting additional fingers once you can feel the opening relax more and more. If going further than just having all of your fingers inside (or half a fist), I suggest putting on a pair of latex or non-latex gloves just in case there are cuts or open wounds on your hand. Washing your hands and wrist in alcohol/antiseptic can help you find out quickly if you have any cuts. Keep in mind that the bottom’s involuntary muscle contractions are to be thought of like an alarm clock. Simply slow down your actions or hold still for a few moments and then continue. A steady circular motion with your finger(s)/hand does wonders for helping to relax a stubborn muscle like the sphincter, for example.
Other safety issues are: Caution should be used when engaging in this activity while intoxicated (more so for the Top than the bottom). Do not insert more than the bottom can handle as going too far may cause internal tears of the membrane which could lead to infection or hemorrhaging. To prevent this, bottoms should let their scene partners know if there is a sharp pain that goes beyond discomfort. The Top should automatically stop when notified of the pain… and only continue when the bottom informs them that the pain has subsided. Use lots of lube. The best are water-based like Elbow Grease and J-Lube. Using Crisco is okay although it’s oil-based and very messy if concerned about quick cleanup. Whether a Top/Dom or Bottom/Sub, if thinking of incorporating, I strongly advise you to research Fisting and get as much info as you can before attempting it for the first time. Being informed can prevent a good scene from going bad. But even the inexperienced can have fun exploring the limits.
What type of preparation should be done before and after a fisting scene to keep things clean? Do you have any hygiene requirements of the fistee?
Hygiene is a MUST with me. No clean? No freaky-freaky. Before you even attempt a scene, the bottom must clean him/herself out first. Especially for anal fisting, enemas are recommended. You can buy a two-pack bottle Fleet enema (or store brand) for under $2.00. It should be comprised of saline. If a mineral oil version is available, I sometimes prefer my bottoms to use it instead as it makes your insides all soft and slippery (which allows for smoother entry). Additionally, you can purchase an enema bottle and use water. If you have a douche bag, that can be used as well although I suggest disinfecting the nozzle or purchasing an additional hose just for your anus. Please note that frequent use of household tap water can dry out the rectal lining. This is only the case if you are cleaning out on a daily basis and not allowing your body to replenish the natural mucous that is normally present.
Tell us about “Black Reign” and your feelings regarding consensual black supremacy in the BDSM lifestyle. What are your thoughts on Obeah?
Black Reign is a concept that I and two other Dominants came up with in 1999. Each of us noticed the ratio of white subs seeking Black dominants was off the charts. It was like a candy store for a Black man/woman who enjoyed dominating. We also saw that the lifestyle was littered with crazy people. Black Reign started out as an educational movement geared towards educating Black Doms/Dommes and white subs on how to have a successful and mutually beneficial relationship. There are a large number of whites who feel very guilty about what their ancestors did to people of color. And just as many Blacks who can’t get beyond the anger that prevents them from overcoming limited and often negative views of self-worth. I can’t think of a better way to receive reparations than by having a “slave” of your own. Of course, it’s consensual and voluntary. Sort of like indentured servitude. My idea of Black Supremacy is very different than what most think. And I would never want to speak for others who may have a different ideology. Black Reign/Supremacy is about having complete control over oneself first, in my opinion. No one should attempt taking on the responsibility of dominating if they are not comfortable in their own skin. Self-empowerment is important in order to be a true Dominant. I feel that consensual black supremacy serves a very broad and expanding segment of the BDSM lifestyle. Who doesn’t like to be waited on hand and foot like the rich and famous? Who doesn’t like knowing that they have a loyal white servant that they can mold and shape into what they view as the perfect servant/toy/plaything/etc. It’s a complete role reversal that we get the most pleasure from (think Gone with the Wind and flip it). The lifestyle doesn’t just benefit the sub… it benefits the Dominant whose life has just been made a little bit easier with a maid/butler/chauffeur/personal assistant/sex toy/chef/bodyguard/employee that they never have to pay with anything other than their gratitude and appreciation.
Obeah is a relatively unknown subject to me that I’m still researching. I hadn’t even heard of the term until a couple years ago. Keep in mind that I’ve been a mainly solitary practitioner in contact with only a few Dominants over the course of my involvement in the lifestyle (not by choice, just circumstance). I came across a magazine from the 70’s by the name which featured Blacks Dominants performing degrading acts on white submissives. From what I’ve gathered thus far, the principle of Black Domination is the same but with a much more dark sexual overtone. Torturing whites for pleasure seems to be the main theme. While I get pleasure from various BDSM activities in which pain is an unavoidable result sometimes, I never wish serious permanent damage upon my subs. I view them as an extension of myself thus I protect my assets.
You’ve trained many new lifestylers in the art of submission. In your travels, have you ever encountered an “untrainable” sub?
Yes, I have encountered many actually. The problem usually extends from the sub realizing that their romanticized view of the Lifestyle is very different from the reality of it (or at least my reality). Overcoming ego’s, bad habits and stubbornness is a challenge in some cases… a real pain in the ass in others. I’ve also encountered subs who’ve tried to tell me how to act towards them (directing their own domination). I even had one tell me that I wasn’t “thug” enough. He left my place 60 minutes later barely able to walk straight after that stupid comment. I define an untrainable sub as one who has not the ability to trust. I also define it as a sub who is has a problem with authority and following orders as given. How I deal with a situation like that varies but usually, I will spell out what I expect of them and give them the option of leaving right there and then or getting another chance to prove themselves to me. I have a rule about not wasting my valuable time on those who are too stupid to make use of a rare opportunity. A sub is a person who desires to be controlled by another for whatever reason and feels natural in such a role. In my view, you can’t just choose to become a sub… that’s just play acting. That’s cool for a play scene but real subs are what I deal with. It’s those special individuals who know their place and just need a little guidance to realize their potential. It’s that journey that I enjoy partaking in.
The BDSM lifestyle can look scary to those peaking in from the outside. What tips can you offer for those who want to enter the lifestyle but still have a bit of trepidation?
The best tip I can offer is to do your homework. Learn about the different aspects of BDSM and see what jumps out at you. Don’t be afraid to ask someone you know is involved in a specific activity about it. I learned a lot by asking other Dominants about their interests when I first got actively involved. The most important thing to keep in mind that what works for one person may not be the right thing for you. Put your own spin on it to suit you. And look for others who may share the same interests and ideology as you. I’m currently revamping my Black Reign website to be a more complete introductory resource for those wishing to enter the Black Domination/white submission lifestyle. Also, if you already have a trusted play partner, discuss trying something new with them. Who knows… they may like it.
What kind of things do you talk about during a phone-counseling session? Is there ever any phone sex involved? Is it expensive?
My phone counseling service was initially just for new subs who wished to train under me. But I decided to open it up for anyone who was curious about the Lifestyle and wanted honest answers to their questions and concerns. Most of the questions usually is about how to find a Black Dominant who would be interested in them. I also get submissives that are already in a relationship who seek advice for one reason or another. I don’t get into phone sex as I find it boring. My phone counseling is strictly for advice and counseling. On NiteFlirt, the service I use, you set your own rates. Mine is $1.99 per minute.
(NOTE: Niteflirt service is no longer available, check my website under Lifestyle Mentoring for current offers)
Your talent also extends to the music industry and you’ve already produced a few CDs and a hit club single. What type of dungeon music do you prefer? Ever listen to your own CD during a scene?
As far as dungeon music goes, I guess that depends on my mood. Sometimes, Dance music gets me going. Other times, Ambient, Trance, and even some Alternative/Soft Rock gets me in the mood. Actually, one of my albums titled “Return of the Phoenix” was inspired by one of the hottest play scenes I had ever experienced. Imagine having ten blind-folded subs at your mercy 🙂 I do sometimes listen to my own CD’s during a scene. If playing my own music, I prefer tracks that are mid to fast tempo. At one time, I had made a compilation CD of my favorite tracks mainly for scene play at the request of a good friend.
It isn’t surprising that a renaissance man such as yourself would also have a book in the works. Tell us about “The Black Reign Chronicles” and when we will be able to pick up a copy.
Yes, it’s true. I do have a book in the works by that title. It was originally supposed to be an autobiography of my life to this point but decided to break it up into 4 books focusing on different aspects. The Black Reign Chronicles will essentially chronicle my experiences in the Lifestyle. I’ve been through a lot, good and bad, over the years. And, I felt that others may be able to learn from my experiences. It’s been 10 years now since I first entered the Lifestyle and I hope to have it finished sometime this year. But, I promise to make sure that you are one of the first to know once it’s available.
The internet is an invaluable resource when it comes to networking and sharing information, but it does have its drawbacks. What is the best way to handle online harassment, especially in the BDSM community?
I’ve been stalked before and harassed. I’ve learned to never use my real name. Use a “junk” web-based (yahoo, gmail, hotmail, etc) email address when initially contacting someone. If you are being harassed via an instant messenger, simply have them blocked. Many online web communities like Alt.com have a block feature as well. Unfortunately, everyone will have at least one bad experience but remember that you have the power to either wipe your ass with it or be a victim. I’ve found that simply ignoring works pretty well too. It shows the perpetrator that you are not affected by them.
The “Judge Black Reign” court TV show just got picked up by network television. Who are you going to pick as your bailiff, what will your first case be about?
Hmmm… my bailiff would be the guy from The Green Mile, Michael Clarke Duncan. And my first case would be about whether or not a sub (plaintiff) should be reimbursed for all purchases and monies given to the Dominant (defendant) because of his dismissal prior to the agreed upon length of his service contract. The plaintiff was dismissed because he was caught red-handed setting up a hookup with another Dominant. He claimed the other Dominant was just a friend. I would rule in favor of the defendant because the plaintiff was a dumbass. Plus, I hate stupid and liars… but I hate stupid even more. And I’d have my bailiff throw the scrub out of my court like a nasty sack of moldy potatoes. Hell, all of the losers would be eliminated from my court the same way. I’d hope that my bailiff would get creative with how he tossed the losers out on their ass.
I want to thank Scourge and Coffee for their commitment to providing a place for people of color to meet others for support in an otherwise misunderstood lifestyle. And I want to say thank you to whomever nominated me for Member of the Month. It was quite a surprise since I’m not the most active member in the discussions but I am an avid reader as I have learned a lot from all of you. God bless and please play safe.
For more information or to learn about Dark Connections, feel free to visit their website at: http://darkconnections.com/
Part 2 will be published soon…