Most submissives are…

“A waste of time.”
“More work than its worth.”

These are just some of the responses used by Dominants, during private conversations, when they’ve shared why they left the Lifestyle. Or why they only participate for sexual gratification only. For some, this is truly all they are looking for. And that’s absolutely fine. As long as you are happy and content, that’s all the matters. End of story.

But for others who crave something more than a weekend booty call, finding a like-minded counterpart can feel like trying to find water in the desert.

Both Doms and subs have the potential to live this Lifestyle successfully but lack the know how to integrate properly.

Key word here is “integrate”.

The frustration that some Dominants face is trusting a sub to be worth the investment of time and energy to train. We know that for this to work, there has to be an equal amount of effort put into the relationship by both parties. The Dom puts in the time to train. The sub puts in the time to serve and learn. Eventually, a deep trust and comfort level is established. Ideally speaking, of course.

It is definitely not easy for the sub either. They have to face the fear of stepping out of their own comfort zone. Putting their trust in someone other than themselves. For a sub who has always been in control of his own life, that can be absolutely terrifying. The cause of that fear derives from that ominous black hole called the Unknown.

But there is a way to overcome the fear and the obstacles… integration.

Never forget that this is a relationship… no matter how you spin it. As humans and as mammals, we are drawn to find mates. The definition of a mate does not have to be traditional. Only functional.

We enter a relationship only to fill a void. To feel more complete. What feels right to you is partially determined by how you grew up. If you were an only child or was part of a large family, your environment and circumstances tend to heavily influence your personal preferences.

Thus, we return to the reality of integrating what you “know” with what you want… in the process, overcoming the Unknown.

If you take a moment to stop over thinking a situation, you’ll find that half the issues and obstacles you end up encountering were created by the very man you see everyday, in the mirror.