My Cyber Encounters | A Conversation With A Wayward Sub

[Original conversation took place in April 2013]

When I became a member of BMR2, I realized that I was on a site that catered to nothing but the dynamic of Black dominance and white submission. I figured most of the members would instinctively already know their place and how to act accordingly.

For the most part, that is what you found there. I acquired two of my slaves from there. But, I was also aware that some of the members needed guidance and mentoring. In a community such as that, the best guidance comes from your fellow peers and members. All with different viewpoints and approaches but that is how you find your own path… through learning from the experiences of others.

I had received an email from a member who approached me about a dilemma that was obviously bothering him. And with good reason. Feel free to comment on this one as it is something that happens all too often in this Lifestyle.


[Email from the sub]

“Hello SIR , Sorry I could not talk to you on chat. I find chat a bit of a madhouse. You did ask me a question (about) if I was serving anyone. Well, if I may unburden myself to you.

I should have been meeting a black MASTER in a Hotel In London and I was very excited to meet him. I think you already know I want to serve the superior black man and I will. But my problem is that he wanted me to wear women’s knickers (panties/undergarments).

I know this does not seem important but to me it was, I look on myself as masculine and the idea of wearing knickers put me off. So I canceled but I did apologize to the MASTER. He was not pleased with me.

I would like to ask you, a man of wisdom, what you think of my behavior and did I insult the SIR. I do want to worship the black race. What should I do SIR?”

[My reply]

“I have a problem with you telling me you want to worship the Black race yet your actions speak otherwise.

First off, I asked you a direct question in chat and you gave some weird off-handed reply and LEFT CHAT. You are lucky that we’ve had enough conversations in the past to where I decided to let that disregard for protocol pass. I would have suspended anyone else who had done that to me (or any Dom on this site). Disrespect is disrespect.

So you look at yourself as masculine. Would that change just because of the clothes you wear or asked to wear? And the reason for canceling is because the idea of wearing knickers put you off???!!! BITCH! Was this about YOU to begin with?! DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF RIGHT NOW????

Just because I truly feel you have lost your goddamned mind… YES! Of course you insulted that SIR! Wasted his time! But you knew that or you wouldn’t be feeling guilty about it right now. He gave you an ORDER (a very simple one at that) and you canceled on him!!!! Your behavior was deplorable for someone who claims to be submissive yet can’t follow a simple fucking request when given.

I am very disappointed in you. You have some serious soul searching to do in regards to how you will EVER find a Black Master. Your behavior is exactly the reason why you are STILL without one.

Get rid of your damn pride BOY and MAN UP to who you claim to be and want for yourself.

You want to serve and worship… then SERVE and WORSHIP! If you are not ready to do that then stop searching for a Black Master and concentrate on your own needs. There are plenty of tops out there willing to abide by your standards just to get a piece of ass.

You have no right to present yourself as a sub if you can’t act like one…period.

You better wake up from that fairy tale you’re stuck in and catch a fucking clue!”


Suffice it to say, I was a little upset at the time. I kept thinking about my fellow Brother who had probably set aside time out of his schedule just to meet this sub only to be canceled on. It’s happened to me. And, I’m sure many other Doms as well. I calmed down after he wrote back how sorry he was and how he never wanted to disrespect me. It was apparent that he knew he had made a mistake as well. On both fronts.

What could he have done differently? Many things but I refuse to give my advice when the answer is obvious. Trust your gut. If something feels wrong, correct it.

When a sub approaches a Dom, it is his responsibility to disclose any “deal breakers” or limits BEFORE a meeting is agreed upon. If you fail to do so then you still go through with it. You have no one to blame but yourself. That is… if you truly identify with being a submissive. And that’s the problem. No one takes responsibility for KNOWING THEIR ROLE.

I’m not going into details about how a sub has a right to choose, feel comfortable, BLAH BLAH BLAH….

That’s common sense. I focus on the responsibility of the sub to make sure all bases are covered before committing to anything. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Know your current limits and COMMUNICATE them effectively.

And most importantly, once you commit to something. FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT. Stop putting obstacles in the way of what you know deep down you need.