I pride myself on being liberal and accepting of most perversions (especially having been the instigator of most of them), there are still things that manage to surprise me. The awesome capacity of people to lose shit (no pun intended) up their rectums is one of them.
Number 9: Spray Can
This particular individual must have decided their colon needed a bit of a makeover and thought a can of spray paint would do just the job.
Number 8: TWO Objects
Most people who end up going to the hospital with a foreign object stuck in their rectum are quite embarrassed What’s worse than going to the hospital with one object stuck in your bum?.. Going to the hospital with TWO objects stuck in your bum! This person went a little too far while playing with an adult toy and instead of panicking, grabbed the nearest salad tongs in an effort to retrieve the object. Well…the X-ray tells the rest of the story!
Number 7: Large Stone Egg
Ever heard of a human laying an egg?..That’s because they don’t! This person had some trouble passing this large stone egg that they had inserted in their rear. Why you ask?..Pleasure? Curiosity? Maybe someone just called him a “chicken”?
Number 6: House Key
After a night of partying in college, the individual stumbled home the next morning only to find they had lost their house key. Mystery solved after going to the doctors for abdominal pain a few days later.
Number 5: Ammo
This WWII veteran was self treating his hemorrhoid problem by shoving them back in him using some ammo from his war guns. He was pushing so hard that this one went to far! The doctors asked the patient whether the shell was spent to which he calmly replied that there was “enough ammo packed in that shell to blast Messerschmidt out of the sky!”The bomb squad was called in and enabled the doctors to safely removed the shell. The Hemorrhoids remain.
Number 4: Cell Phone
Word on the streets is that if you stick your cell phone in your rectum it acts the same way as a blue-tooth earpiece without having to wear one of those ugly headsets! Simply clinch to answer and hang up. I think this guy will tell you otherwise!
Number 3: Graduated Cylinder
This is an example of a science experiment gone horribly wrong! This patient came to the hospital with a graduated cylinder stuck deep within. Measuring methane levels perhaps? I don’t think they taught that in Chemistry class!
Number 2: Peanut Butter Jar
This patient came to the hospital presenting signs of the ever so common condition of “peanut BUTTer anus”. In other words, he’s got a jar a peanut butter stuck in his butt. That’s taking a food obsession one step too far!
Number 1: Light Bulb
I bet this isn’t one the “brightest” ideas this guy has had!