Finding someone local is always preferred… but unless you live in a city with a large multi-ethnic population, you are less likely to find what you are looking for locally. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen but you have to get creative in order to find what you’re looking for.
I am a big believer in fate. People come in and out of our lives all the time. The smart ones will grab an opportunity when it presents itself. When you have a connection with someone, nurture it. Do not let distance be a factor. Yes, we all want someone whom we can see on a regular basis in the flesh and if you have that then great! But, compatibility knows no geographic boundaries. And who’s to say that living together won’t happen in the future?
I have made the mistake of letting opportunities pass me by because of the distance issue. I have always regretted it later after realizing that deciding it wouldn’t work out was a bit premature.
The great thing about meeting someone who lives far away is that relocation can be the obvious solution. But until that happens, how do you maintain a LD relationship? Here’s what has worked for me….
1. Communicate DAILY… nothing kills a budding relationship faster than the inability to stay in touch. This is critical as a local person can just show up at your home. Long distance only has the technological means (such as phone, instant messengers, email and videoconferencing services like Skype, Google Hangout, Yahoo & Windows Live Messenger, ooVoo/Facebook, etc) of getting a hold of you…. so use them!
2. Make plans to visit them in person… whether you visit them or they you. Check for good travel deals on a weekend getaway to see your LD interest. This does not have to be done right away until you can afford to make the trip. Otherwise, save up and plan to visit in about 2 months or more (whatever is agreed upon), if financially possible and schedules allow.
3. Decide whether or not sexual relations outside of the budding LD relationship can exist or not. Personally, if you are not there to take care of needs then until that happens…. I’ll let you finish that thought. 🙂
4. If you are thinking of relocating, check for employment opportunities when you go visit or online. Also, create a budget for the relocation. If you own a home, then you have to make the decision of whether to sell it or rent it out. Apartment dwellers simply have to wait until their lease ends (unless sub-letting is allowed).
5. Wait at least 6 months to see if the LD relationship is worth taking to the next step or relocation. That’s a huge life change and one that requires certainty that the connection you two have is real and worth relocating for.
6. Determine if monthly visits are enough or if relocation is mutually agreed upon. Make sure to relay any concerns or anxieties you may have. It’s best to discuss and get them out of the way before you make that leap.
I’m probably leaving some things out but you get the picture. Remember that a relationship is not pre-programmed… it is comprised of the wants and needs of both individuals. You are the factor which determines if long distance will work for you or not.
This is not for everybody. Some just can’t relocate under any circumstance or vice versa. I have a sub who travels for work and serves me on a temp/short term basis when work brings him to my area. We have chemistry so the arrangement works. Plus, he’s married which is why what we have is all that he can offer. But he definitely makes up for it when he does have the chance to serve in person.